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Showing posts with label John Mayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John Mayer. Show all posts

April 17, 2009

John Mayer Badmouths Jennifer Aniston


Did you know that John Mayer used to get bullied in high school and would get the crap kicked out of him? Well, you're about to find out why.


John Mayer is apparently badmouthing Jennifer Aniston to anyone who will listen, all in a bid to remain relevant to the world at large. And likely to promote his new album.

When John Mayer isn't busy hitting on anything with a pulse, he's telling these pulsating women what a clingy, needy and insecure woman Jennifer Aniston is. Wow, if I were Jennifer Aniston, I'd call up John Mayer for a meeting in a public place, tip the paparazzi off and then lay into Mayer and make him cry like a little girl. Then I'd give him a wedgie. But then, he is quite tall, so that might be a tad difficult. 

April 2, 2009

John Mayer Debuts Heartbreak Warfare Song



John Mayer debuted his new breakup song "Heartbreak Warfare" aboard the Mayercraft last week and introduced the song by saying, "it's miserable being around someone who's negative." Hmm, I'm guessing he's not talking about Perez Hilton.

John Mayer likes media attention and that pissed Jennifer Aniston off (one of the major reasons they broke up), but now that John Mayer is single again, he is free to get as much media attention as he likes. I have to admit that I'm really starting to appreciate John Mayer.

So what do you think of "Heartbreak Warfare"? I think it at least goes to show that Jennifer Aniston was a source of inspiration to some degree.

April 1, 2009

John Mayer Made Out With Perez Hilton



John Mayer did some stand up comedy the other day and who knew that John Mayer is downright hilarious!?!

He goes on this tangent about being gay and having made out with Perez Hilton to show him who the man is. John Mayer admitted that he kissed Perez Hilton and then went on to say that every man has thought about going gay at some point in his life.

Now I don't know about you, but I think that John Mayer is onto something. That, or he heard so much about Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston that he wants to dip into that. I'm just saying.

So now John Mayer is partially gay. It's kinda gross to imagine him making out with Perez Hilton, who really is one of the most unattractive men I have ever encountered.

March 28, 2009

John Mayer Dresses up in Stewie's Sailor Suit



John Mayer has taken ashore on his 4-day Mayercraft cruise. Last time he dressed up in Borat's swimsuit, this time John Mayer dressed up like he's on he set of Love Boat: What Really Happened.

John Mayer admits that he's going through a juvenile phase that includes dressing like his favorite song is "YMCA," and Twittering about 75 times a day, but hopes that one day, he grows up and becomes a man.

What do I think? Great legs, John... who does your waxing?


March 24, 2009

Jennifer Aniston Dumped John Mayer Because of his Twitter Obsession


I wouldn't be surprised if this were true because John Mayer, like Ashton Kutcher, does seem obsessed with Twitter. Well, that's the reason "they" are saying that Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer (and not the other way around).

I could just imagine that conversation between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer:

"John, either you stop Twatting or it's over."
"Hey, I'm still waiting on the world to change and Twatting is helping me do that."
[With tears in her eyes] "John, it's obvious you love Twatting more than me, so it is soooo over."
"You know what, Jennifer? Maybe if you could stop being so insecure and just let go of Brad Pitt, things would be so much better between us. Oh! That would make an awesome Twat."
"I'm gone, John. You are so uncool."

I bet that's exactly how it happened. Poor Jennifer Aniston. John Mayer chose a computer twat over, well, you know...

March 19, 2009

John Mayer Wants to Tell All


If this is true then John Mayer is a bigger asswipe than I first imagined. It seems John Mayer is set to make $10 million for a tell-all book in which he reveal the intimate details of his relationship with Jennifer Aniston


One of the big chapters would include the time that Jennifer Aniston called John Mayer "Brad" in bed. To be quite honest, after you've had Brad Pitt, there really is nowhere to go but down. And John Mayer is pretty low on the scale, even though he is great in bed from what most women say.

Besides that, John Mayer will reveal Jennifer Aniston's fitness regime, which, word has it, is incredibly fierce, her temper tantrums and, of course, their crazy sex play. 

I'm not sure how lengthy such a book would be, but I imagine John Mayer would sprinkle in some chapters devoted to Jessica Simpson and any other semi-famous chick he's managed to play wonderland with. 

John Mayer's people deny the story, but after John Mayer revealed everything about their first breakup to TMZ for free, I imagine he'd jump at the chance to bag $10 mil to tell all.

March 12, 2009

John Mayer Dumps Jennifer Aniston


Ah, here we go again. Now rumors abound that John Mayer dumped Jennifer Aniston after she returned from her promotional tour of Marley & Me abroad. Apparently, John Mayer's contract to play Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend is over and so he dumped her ass.

Of course, you can't really take this to heart considering that John Mayer hasn't Twittered about it yet, and you know John Mayer Twitters about everything lately.

Perhaps Jennifer Aniston's commentary that she will "always love Brad Pitt" put him over the edge.

March 3, 2009

Justin Timberlake Makes Fun of John Mayer on Jimmy Fallon



Justin Timberlake makes fun of John Mayer on Jimmy Fallon's new late night talk show and man does he do an amazing job.

Justin Timberlake
is becoming somewhat of a comedic genius and his rendition of "Daughters" is on the money. John Mayer hopefully has a sense of humor about all this and doesn't start ranting and raving on his blog about it.

Oh, and Justin Timberlake also kills it in an impression of Michael McDonald. The magic starts at about 6:15.

February 2, 2009

John Mayer Makes Engagement Ring for Jen Aniston





John Mayer
actually wrote on Twitter that he welded an engagement ring for his girlfriend. His girlfriend, I'm assuming, being Jennifer Aniston. But then, we are constantly hearing that Jennifer Aniston gave John Mayer the boot, so why would he Twitter that he plans on proposing? Hmmm, something's amiss.

Anyway, it seems John Mayer gets a kick out of teasing the press when it comes to his relationships but I wouldn't be totally surprised to discover that John Mayer was, indeed, going to ask Jen to marry him and have his babies. I mean, it would be great for his career.

January 27, 2009

John Mayer Inspirational Video


John Mayer has made the mistake of making a video for TMZ in which he gives himself a pep talk. What makes it a mistake is that he's probably still banging Jennifer Aniston and when she gets wind of the fact that he makes a Benjamin Button reference, she's going to be pee-issed.
Link
John Mayer habitually goes to TMZ with some funny stuff but this inspirational video was neither funny nor inspirational; it was essentially John Mayer needing some media attention again and getting it without talking about Jennifer Aniston.

And if they aren't over yet, you can bet that Jennifer Aniston is going to give John Mayer his walking papers yet again.

January 21, 2009

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer Break Up Again


Well, it's no shock to learn that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have called it quits for a second time. Apparently, Jennifer Aniston's lack of enthusiasm for their union is what led to John Mayer's decision to take the exit.


That's right, this time it seems that John Mayer is the one that walked away. And here I was thinking Jennifer Aniston was about to get pregnant with twins and get married. But then, John Mayer must have had a really difficult time holding his tongue about their relationship.


Maybe now, John Mayer will start blogging about the kind of sex he was having with Jennifer Aniston and she'll go back to Oprah to set the record straight once again. Oh yeah. The drama continues...

December 11, 2008

John Mayer's Advice to Bloggers


John Mayer has some advice for bloggers, and I have to admit, he really struck a chord with me. John Mayer points to Don Rickles, who has a way with words and manages to offend and appease all at the same time, and says that we all need to be more like him.

I do kind of feel for John Mayer simply because, well, before he began dating Jennifer Aniston, he was pretty irrelevant, besides the "We Hate John Mayer" fan club started by Maxim magazine.

Now, his every move is being watched and he gets blasted by the media every time he breathes and that must definitely be a tough pill to swallow.

I know, I know, you don't feel bad for him because he's rich, famous and goes to bed with Jennifer Aniston on a nightly basis. Nevertheless, I don't think anyone is ever prepared for the backlash that comes with fame. After all, we do build them up just to knock them down. And now, John Mayer knows that first hand.

Here's what he had to say:

There’s no doubt that at their most irreverent (and yes, mean), gossip blogs can be truly funny. After all, as Rickles has shown the world for years, there’s infinitely more material to be mined in the delicious details of the detested than there are in the lauded. Five words for good, five thousand for bad.



But there’s one element that has always gone missing in the new era of dissery, and perhaps it’s the most important part of the game. It’s what’s given Rickles the room to move with almost diplomatic immunity through cultural stereotypes and sensitivities: that effusive smile, the “not really”, and most importantly, the implicit “me too.” It’s what has given Rickles both his edge and his charm for over five decades, and its absence in today’s gossip media is what will soon lead to a population tired of it.



At Rickles’ recent performance at Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut, he made Perez Hilton look like a sycophant. Nobody — and I mean nobody — has what it takes to point out a morbidly obese man in the front row and call him out on it in song. (The man laughed hysterically.) After ribbing two men on stage, making fun of both them and their wives, he had handlers walk bottles of champagne to their seats, thanking them for playing along and suggesting they enjoy the bottles in their hotel rooms while making love. It doesn’t make the bite any less sharp, but it invites people to return to the lion’s cage.



If, in the blogosphere, there is any semblance to Rickles’ style of dressing the very wound he’s inflicted, it seems only to come posthumously; if you’re a celebrity and you want to sniff out who actually wishes you’d get killed by a grizzly bear flying a helicopter and who was only joking about it and had no idea it would actually happen, swear to God, you have to die to find that out. I appreciate kind thoughts in the wake of my passing, but they’d go to better use while I can still hear them. Or is that too much kindness for one person to be allowed?



Wouldn’t it be nice, every once in a while, to read some sort of evidence of heart? An occasional ‘We kid, the guy’s okay??’ Unless you really don’t, in which case you won’t be sorry when that bear shoots me with a rocket launcher. Mark my words: the gossip-monger whose style closest resembles that of Don Rickles’ mastery of tension and release will stay successful the longest. Because the salient rules of entertainment will always apply. And Don Rickles should know, because he helped write them.

October 24, 2008

Jennifer Aniston tell John Mayer to Shut His Trap


Jennifer Aniston made sure to tell John Mayer that he better keep his trap shut this time around. And not only his mouth, he better keep his fingers to himself... at least when it comes to blogging. 

Jennifer Aniston wants to keep their relationship private and intimate rather than constantly sharing every mover they make with TMZ. I'm not sure if John Mayer can handle that, but then, I'm sure he already got all the publicity he needed the first time around. 


Stay tuned for more news on their quintuplet pregnancy and upcoming shotgun wedding.

October 21, 2008

Jennifer Aniston Pregnant?


Of course, now that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reunited, guess what? Rumors abound that she's pregnant and plans to show up at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's next movie premiere with baby in hand. Okay, perhaps not the latter part.

So now everyone thinks that John mayer and Jennifer Aniston have rekindled their romance because she's pregnant. God forbid they get together because they had amazing sex and miss that.

So do you really think she's pregnant? I don't. For some reason, I just can't imagine Jennifer Aniston as a maternal figure. She seems more like the weed-smoking, eating pizza at 4 a.m. type.

October 15, 2008

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer Reunite


Well if their making out at LAX is any indication, then Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are in full swing again and have rekindled their relationship.

You might remember that the couple initially broke up because Jennifer Aniston wanted to have kids and John Mayer wanted to whore out their relationship to TMZ, but I guess they've reached some happy medium that allows them to have great sex once again.

So tune in for more of John Mayer's TMZ rants and, don't worry, now that his tour has ended, perhaps the groupies will take a back seat to Jennifer Aniston for the time being.

September 11, 2008

Jennifer Aniston Dating Gerard Butler


After seeing 300, I thought that there was nothing hotter than Gerard Butler, and it seems that Jennifer Aniston couldn't agree more. John Mayer's jizz still hasn't been wiped off her stomach and she has already moved onto another man.

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler met up at the Toronto Film Festival and have been an item since meeting. I actually saw an impromptu interview with him last night and I have to say, the guy is quite the goofball. Gerard Butler is not at all the sexy, debonair man I would've imgined him to be.

Nevertheless, it seems that Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are hooking up now and it sounds like a relationship that may possibly flourish. Unless, of course, he's just a media hungry hound who thrives on posts by TMZ of his love affairs.

Stay tuned.

September 5, 2008

Carrie Underwood Calls Jessica Simpson Fat


In the never-ending war of words, Carrie Underwood has fired back at Jessica Simpson saying that her cover story on People magazine is exactly like the cover she did back when she was dating John Mayer. Carrie Underwood's words, according to a reliable source (aren't they all?), were:

"She finds Jessica’s love of putting her life on display pretty desperate. She laughed at the People cover, because it’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter."

Ooh, them's fightin' words. At the end of the day, this is all really about Tony Romo and the fact that Jessica Simpson is on Carrie Underwood's country music turf; there's only enough room for one blonde. It would be great if the two ended up beating the breasts out of each other on stage at the CMAs on November 12, 2008. I'll keep you posted.

August 21, 2008

Jennifer Aniston Calls Brad Pitt


If you're to believe tabloid magazine Star, and let's face it; they know their stuff when it comes to the truth, then you'll be shocked to discover that Jennifer Aniston has given Brad Pitt a call so that she could vent about her breakup with John Mayer.

Of course, her intent was to speak with Brad Pitt's mom, Jane Pitt, with whom she has maintained a close relationship, but Brad Pitt likely picked up the phone, considering it's his house and Jennife Aniston just couldn't hold back.

"Oh Bradley, its terrible, they're saying all these awful things about me and John Mayer was such a stingy, media hungry bastard... by the way, how are the twins?"

Or something like that.

August 19, 2008

Jennifer Aniston on John Mayer Breakup




Now it's Jennifer Aniston's camp who's talking all about her breakup with John Mayer, and they're making it quite clear that it was Jennifer Aniston who dumped John Mayer and NOT the other way around. Like that makes a huge difference.

What is interesting though, is the reasons behind why Jennifer Aniston told John Mayer to take a walk back to Wonderland without her:

1- John Mayer is cheap - Apparently, John Mayer would always conveniently forget his wallet when they were out together, forcing Jennifer Aniston to dish out on any and everything they did and ate.

2- John Mayer loved media attention - John Mayer would call up the paparazzi and tip them off about where he and Jennifer Aniston would be so that they could show up and take myriad pictures of them that would ultimately end up on the Net and blogs like LadyThrills.com.

If you think about it, it all makes sense; after all, John Mayer did decide to spill his guts to TMZ the other day regarding the breakup. And that pretty much sums up what he's all about. Add to that his weirdo blogging a while back about Jessica Simpson and there's no doubt that Jennifer Aniston's people are right.

August 17, 2008

John Mayer Discusses Jennifer Aniston Breakup


John Mayer has opened up about the ending of his relationship with Jennifer Aniston to the paparazzi that constantly harass him wherever he goes.

The first thing John Mayer said was, "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met."

And while he was walking away in his apres gym attire and was asked for a more concrete statement regarding the break up, he continued with, "People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right."

All this roughly translates into, "I wanted to have some kinky sex with a famous chick for a while; she wanted to get married and have kids; I am not done spreading myself around." And there you have it; straight from the horse's mouth.

Here's the video of John Mayer telling the world what happened between him and Jennifer Aniston if you're interested in watching his heartfelt rant in its entirety:

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