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November 27, 2007

Why Men Love Breasts

By Brandon Evans

It happens at least once a day; a girl with big, perky breasts and a plunging neckline walks by me and, for just a moment, all I can see are those two orbs of phenomenal delight and the whole world sighs with pleasure.

It’s true, breasts can make a man lose his train of thought in an instant, but it’s through no fault of his own.

We’re visual creatures who enjoy things of beauty. That’s not to imply that women are things, but rather that anything that is attractive will capture a man’s attention. For some guys, it’s sexy cars, for others it’s sexy women.

In the U.S., most men are breast men and the reason for that probably has a lot to do with the media. Beer commercials use breasts to sell their products, the Girls Gone Wild videos are all about flashing breasts, and implants are very, very popular around these parts.

But why? Why do men love breasts?

Some experts might gather that it has to do with being breastfed, but if that were the case then just as many women would be obsessed with breasts as well. No, I think the reason is a little simpler than that.

Men love breasts because we don’t have any. They’re soft, supple and feminine, and the idea of cupping them with our hands, sucking on the nipple or rubbing the area in between drives home the wild fantasies we have about them.

Add to that the fact that they are easily spotted and that many women use them as a tool to enhance their outfits, and you have yourself the most valid reasoning on earth.

Breasts are up in our faces at every turn, how can we not become mildly obsessed with them? And it’s not as though women help; so many of them tend to flaunt them, wearing bras that give just enough support but not so much that they lose their jiggle. So it’s sort of your fault that men love breasts as much as they do.

Do men love all breasts?

But don’t get me wrong; men don’t love all breasts. And contrary to popular opinion, bigger is not always better. Just as women have standards when it comes to penises, we also have standards, you know.

Saggy breasts
How many times have I taken a woman home only to discover that her perfect and beautiful breasts were nothing more than an illusion? I’ve seen those million-dollar bras come off and the breasts hit the ground. It’s very alarming.

Is it really fair? I mean, isn’t that false advertising? At least when it comes to penises, you have no clue what you’re about to get. But women… women mislead us into believing that their breasts are the most perfect pair on earth only to reveal that it was all smoke and mirrors.

Of course, I can empathize with the fact that the breasts you have are the breasts you’re dealt, but you can’t fault me for being disappointed when you remove your bra and they hit your navel.

Huge breasts
While most women think that men salivate over huge breasts, that’s usually not the case. To start, huge breasts are usually accompanied by huge everything else. Second, the bigger they are, the more they usually sag (see above).

Don’t get me wrong, a big pair of breasts is nice and all, but when they’re so big that they overtake a woman’s upper body, most of us draw the line there.

Veiny breasts
I’ve been with enough women to know that women judge not only the size of our penises, but even the way it looks esthetically. Most women don’t appreciate a veiny or two-toned penis. Well, we don’t appreciate veiny breasts.

Breasts are meant to look like smooth, soft, rounded, heavenly masses of perfect skin and small, erect nipples. To show us anything different turns our worlds upside down. Of course, I wouldn’t kick veiny breasts out of bed, but I probably wouldn’t tell her that her breasts were beautiful, either.

Salami breasts
Ugh! I can deal with all the aforementioned breast issues – except maybe the saggy breast one. But one thing’s for sure: I cannot deal with breasts that are overtaken by areolas, otherwise known as salami breasts.

I don’t why it is, but whenever I see a breast that’s covered by the areola, I feel like the rest of the woman must smell like cured meat. The worst of it is that by the time I see the horror, it’s too late and I can’t get away from the situation. Okay, I can, but I’m already hot and bothered by then so I just keep my eyes focused on something else.

But men love breasts

Don’t worry, ladies. Most often, when men fall in love with you, they can let certain things slide, just as I’m sure you do when it comes to them. But since women want a man’s honest opinion about the whole breast issue, I gave it to you straight from the hip.

And you can’t hate me for it; this is my breast opinion.


Anonymous said...

ive heard this is pretty common with women but im wondering if it bothers men if one womans breast is slightly bigger than the other (less than a cup size)

LadyThrills said...

Men typically don't notice a difference unless it's quite significant. As well, if your shirt is off, it's because something good is about to happen, so taking notice of the asymmetry of your breasts is low on the list of things he'll take note of.

Anonymous said...

A few things:

1. Saggy breasts aren't disgusting, they're natural and real (which is a big turn on) A pair of fake boobs can be perky as hell, but they're still fake. No woman with DD cups is going to be ultra-perky, but her breasts are still full and beautiful, and look amazing in those million-dollar bras. Some breasts sag more than others, but regardless, saggy breasts are what some women have, and they are beautiful and sexy and unique to the woman. No complaints here.
2. Huge breasts are just that: huge. That's all. They may sag more, or be attached to a bigger woman, but it doesn't matter. Again, each woman's breasts are unique and beautiful, and if it has gotten to the point where I'm seeing them, chances are I like the woman enough to want to go there, and I will love her breasts, even if they are gigantic. I'll admit to preferring larger breasts, but I don't judge a woman based on whether or not she wears an A cup vs. a D cup.
3. Veiny breasts are not disgusting. Not one bit. They're another sign that the woman's breasts are real and natural, not laden with silicone and pumped up like some plastic toy. I feel that veiny breasts can actually enhance a woman's femininity. A main idea of the author is that women and their breasts are soft and feminine and delicate, and I feel that veiny breasts go along with this. They convey a sense of delicateness that truly makes you truly appreciate them.
4. The whole idea of salami breasts is obnoxious. Again, every woman is different, and while some men (and women) may be turned off by larger areolae, many guys (a number of my friends and myself included) find large areolae and large nipples to be a huge turn on. One of the sexiest things an ex girlfriend used to do (she had large breasts -36DD- and large areolae -almost 3 inches in diameter) would be to put on a super-thin button-down shirt or a ribbed tank top (wife beater to be more crude about it) and she knew my being able to see through it was a huge turn on for me.
I think it's dumb to spend this much time whining about breasts, when it's more about the woman they're attached to. If you like woman enough, her boobs aren't going to matter, and chances are, they'll only enhance the experience of being with her.


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