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November 20, 2007

Why Women Cheat

By Ashley Levine

Have you cheated on any of your boyfriends? Do you have any friends who have? Chances are you answered “yes” to at least one of those questions. Which begs another question: What is going on? Why do women cheat?

We live in an era where the female orgasm is not just the “luck of the draw,” and it seems that in an effort to become equal to men, we’ve also managed to beat them in the cheating game.

Growing up, I was told that men are pigs and they all cheat, when, in fact, most of the women I knew were messing around. And if you put things in perspective, it makes sense.

Women cheat because of options

Every day of our lives, most of us get hit on by guys, some more than others, mind you, but there’s no doubt that women get hit on way more often than men do. Again, there are exceptions (the Brad Pitts of the world), but, typically, men approach and women choose.

So if a man never gets hit on and women are constantly hit on, and if both are not satisfied with their current relationships, who do you think has an easier time wandering?

Now if the man who wants to cheat actively pursues another woman, that’s no better, but no matter how you arrive at your situation, cheating from either side is never a great thing for the person being betrayed.

Why women cheat

So why do women cheat - what brings it on? Are we rotten human beings who are so self-absorbed that we can’t see past the tips of our own noses? Well, yes and no.

When women cheat, they usually tend to blame their man. It’s quite laughable actually, when the cheater thinks of herself as the victim. In fact, if you cheat, it is on your shoulders because no one makes you cheat; that’s a decision you make all by yourself.

Even if your boyfriend or husband treats you like crap, neglects you, won’t try new things, stops being fun, gets fat, or whatever other reason you can come up with, the fact of the matter is that you have no one to blame for your actions but yourself.

If you found out your guy was cheating and he came back at you with a list of the things you did wrong and told you that you essentially “forced” him to cheat, he would get a taste of your Gucci heels. But when the tables turn and women cheat, suddenly we’re the victims. That’s not right.

To cheat is human?

Cheating is something that almost every woman I know has done at some point in her life. With men, I couldn’t honestly say that they would all be honest with me, but more often than not, many men are faithful by choice and not for a lack of options, despite what Chris Rock says.

Personally, I have not cheated nor will I ever. I am of the opinion that if you’re not happy in your relationship, you should recognize that before you let another man inside you. And because I would never want to feel that kind of betrayal and I am a firm believer in karma, I would never inflict that kind of pain on any man.

Now, as for having been cheated on, I really can’t say. I can tell you that I don’t think any man has ever cheated on me, but the truth is, I will never know.

If you have cheated on a significant other, did you ever really ask yourself why? Why do women cheat? Why did you cheat? Did you blame him for it? Did you ever tell him about it? It’s tough to think of yourself as having done a bad deed and, most of the time, we console and convince ourselves that we had no other choice, but didn’t we?

So it’s a matter of fact that women cheat. We are not victims. We have come a long way as women and, while some think it only fair to give men a dose of what we have been enduring for years, the truth is that adulterous women have been around since the dawn of time. So that doesn’t hold water.

Preaching to the choir

If you’re going to cheat, I am not here to condemn you for it, but before you do, maybe you need to figure out why you would even want to, and once you do, you might want to exit the relationship beforehand and avoid cheating at all.

Or, maybe you are happy in the way you choose to live your life and will continue to believe that whenever you give in to another man, it is your current man’s fault.

But the next time you’re about to declare that “all men are pigs,” you might want to rethink that statement. After all, you’re proving that women cheat.


Anonymous said...

This is a note from a man.

I read your post and I was shocked that you actually made sense. Women have been getting away with murder by trying to blame their flaws on us. Well with some men anyway. Not all of us believe bull like "you made me do this by ignoring me, etc."

No. We all do what we want to do because WE WANT IT. And women WANT IT more than men, but are to socialized into fear of being called a slut to admit to it. Some men like me know the real score.

Some of us understand your true nature and make you feel what you really need to feel: controlled, owned like property, (fuck women's lib and feminist bullshit) and treated like my private slut and slave. I have never had a woman leave me, and several of them won't leave me alone even years after it's over, and I have had more girlfriends than I can even remember at this point.

So do women cheat? Yeah. But the real question you need to ask is WHO do they cheat on? Answer: weak men. The rest of us never have to deal with this problem. And if it were to ever come up then there are too many other women to chose from and replacing her with a newer younger model is the answer.

Anonymous said...

my gf cheated on me. although, i have cheated on her 3 times. she kept it a secret, but i found out. it was ugly. she showed no remorse and played the victim. i could care less now, but its been interesting to watch her downward spiral. she cheated with an old guy at work, and now shares an apartment with a kid who just graduated from high school. i still care about her, and cannot be mad at her for her actions, since i have done the same. i told her that its okay to come home, and we can try and start over, but she is still playing the victim. i guess i'll just wait on the sidelines, and i'll leave it to fate.

Anonymous said...

I'm an educated rational women that found herself having an affir. I got out recently and this time for good.
I tried last year but I just couldn't. I was haunted with such an amount of pain and depression that I fell into the same routine.It wasn't love - I know that. It was too sickening obsessive and destructive. And everytime I feel I could text him or ring him I think about that.
We became lovers. It was a fairytale despite I was actually cheating on my long-term boyfriend.He is married and separated. He still hasn't divorced for this or that reason.
He made me act irresponsible: lie, cheat for almost 2 years so I could just see him.
I came to a point a couldn't do it anymore and had to end it for my sake.I cried and felt a sense of loss but I knew it was a right decision.I looked my face in the mirror and asked myself how could I do it? I'm smart. How could I inflict such amount of pain to myself.
I decided to fight for myself and will never fall into the same trap again. It was easy to fall- same taste in a lot of things, mind blowing compliments, sense of excitement, surreal connection.
Before I knew it, it was too late.I didn't think about the wife, whether he did the same routine with other women... He talked about his marriage, how lost he is, and supportive of his ungrateful mentally instable wife. How he can’t go through the divorce because she will kill herself.
When I tried to get out for the first time he made me feel like he’s going to kill himself without me. As if he’s going to die emotionally and never recover. Like I’ve just ruined my last chance to be with a men who is head over heels in love with me – true me.
When I did it again – same thing. Crying, nasty comments, and in the end compliments – just to remain in my head for good. I will never forget you, I will never stop loving you. Every woman wants to hear that. But, he also said I’m his life, he can’t live without my voice, texts, my personality. He doesn’t want to get out of bed without me. How I ruined his every chance to trust anyone in his life for good.That’s sick. Well, how did he manage to live without me for 40 previous years.
He sometimes made me feel so guilty and controlled. When a fairy tale ended for me I felt I couldn’t get out for his sake. I was affraid what he might do. I fell into some kind of addiction I couldn’t get rid of – pleasing him, making him smile, picking him up, placing him into the center of my attention. And when I had a life to live, I felt guilty because I didn’t ring him when he wanted me to ring.
I was just an innocent girl full of life and stayed in his house to take a teaching course. He was living with his wife who was rarely there and didn’t like me from the start. We kept talking in my free time and suddenly, on the last evening he leaves a letter on my bed where he says being in love with me is an understatement and how he and his wife are getting a divorce.
I wanted to hug him and comfort him. It was the saddest letter I’ve ever read. Unfortunately, I ended up kissing him. He suggested we go to his bedroom – I said no. I left next morning, haunted by the guilt and questioning my morality. That day it all began – emails, texts, phonecalls, meetings.
If I knew what I would have to go through I would run away the first day I entered the house. He kept saying I seduced him and irreversed everything. In truth, I think he set his mind on me on the first day and just waited for his move. Why else his wife at the time said to him: you have an eye candy to look at for five weeks? – referring to me.
It is so easy to get into the trap and so hard to get out. Women, remember you’re intelligent and it’s not worth to leave in a nightmare in return for brief moments of feeling like a movie star. If you feel lonely and lost – talk to your real friends or someone you can trust. And try not to blame yourself for doing what you did but realise you were a victim who just couldn’t get away fast enough.
Recovering from the affair isn’t easy but it’s so much easier than staying in it.
I definitely made my choice and I’m proud of it.
Good luck!


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